Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
