You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
