I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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