girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
