i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
