They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
