He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Randomize