Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
