Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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