Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
