hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
