Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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