if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
