Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
