Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I want to make a zoo with you.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize