I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
