you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
