my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
