woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
