a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize