Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
