I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
