I smell stomach acid.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
