I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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