I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
