You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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