Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
