Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
