I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
