You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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