i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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