I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
