I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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