i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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