did you get engaged???
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
