That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
