did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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