I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
