Non-Jews are for practice
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
