K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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