this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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