Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
