just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
