it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
