I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize