But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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