Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
