I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
