you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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