Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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