Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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