currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
