Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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