I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize