he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
