Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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