he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
