Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
