Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
