Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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