I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
