"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Floor bacon is actually really good
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
