How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
